As I look back over the crazy roller-coaster ride of the past several months of my life, there's one particular thing that stands out vividly. It's not huge in and of itself, but if I take it for the defining statement of my life recently, it certainly says quite a lot. In all the conversations with my friends about my life and circumstances recently, there's one phrase which has come up every single time:
"My life is SO fucked up!"
Crude? Obviously. The only way to describe the situation? Obviously not. I could say "crazy," "hectic," "unexpectedly shoved into a handbasket," "feeling like Fate dangles desires in front of me just long enough for me to think they're within my reach before snatching them away;" "covered in bees" or many more, but none that quite express the degree of the situation so succinctly. And the fact that the same phrase kept springing to mind and tongue over and over during these months tells me that it is the right one to describe the situation at hand.
Speaking of the "situation at hand," I'm not going to use this blog solely as a sob story about how horrible everything was, although I may mention certain bits as time goes on. The main purpose of the blog is to identify the problems in my life that caused it to be so very fucked up in the first place, and not only to remove them but to replace them with ideals from the following list, which will most likely be edited, as my views are also an ongoing process:
- To be healthy: to be fit and strong enough to fully enjoy the physical aspects and activities of life and to know how to nourish and protect my body in order to keep it that way. This includes not only physical exercise and diet but knowledge of herbs and natural methods so that I can do as little harm to the earth as possible while keeping my body strong;
- To learn to deal with whatever job situation I have at the time in order to cover all my basic expenses and keep my life organized while sparing as much time and money as possible to help those who are worse off than me;
- To balance practicality with creativity and spontaneity - to fill my life with art, song and all other forms of beauty I can think of or find, not forget to treat myself once in a while, and generally keep life fresh;
- To keep up and strengthen all my various existing relationships, from family to friends to lovers, while continuing to make new connections;
- To continually further my understanding of the natural patterns and forces at work in the world and the universe through my chosen pagan path;
- To find happiness, peace and wisdom enough that these things saturate me and spill over into the lives of everyone I meet - what I think is the defining characteristic of every woman who we might describe as being like a goddess.